i love both you and the german language way too much
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Sonntag, Oktober 31, 2004
this is sad. no one's going trick-or-treating, and it's not even because they think they're too old or too cool for it, anymore, it's just we're all so damn busy and tired and...it's just sad. erin and i are going to go out for like a few minutes, but meh. two people is fun but not as much. i wish i were going with tory. i know i never see her anymore, and i don't actively miss her that often, i guess, but i really miss her now, after the past two (two?) years of being the hardcore pro-trick-ort-treating posse
update: totally take it back. Jenny "I hate Halloween" Gazerro came with us and it was way way fun. we went on vineyard, james, and the little stretch of bayberry between them and got a pretty good bunch of candy for only being out about an hour. Then we dropped Erin home, went to al b's house, and the three of us went to al p's then went home. a very good halloween, and nobody even asked if we weren't just a little old for this. It's still kind of sad to be all last-childhood-halloween-y, but we talked to zack shornick's mom and she said that at Bard they have trick-or-treating between rooms set up by all the clubs and people get dressed up and it's good, so that was heartening. i remember a trick-or-treat for canned goods at macalester, when we visited election day last year, too.
I was a faerie/fairy princess (light on the ballerina, no monster), Jenny was a kitty, Erin was a ladybug, and the nalgene was a ghost.
9:01 PM
Freitag, Oktober 29, 2004
*sigh* I got eight hours of sleep last night, and i feel so good. got no work done, but wasever.
8:51 AM
*sigh* I got eight hours of sleep last night, and i feel so good. got no work done, but wasever.
8:51 AM
Donnerstag, Oktober 28, 2004
i'm kind of afraid of the next twoish weeks. i don't mind being constantly busy so much (i mean, I mind it, but i can deal) when I have one rest day or large peice of a day in the week, but I can't see that happening until a week from sunday. normally, with the store being closed sunday and monday, things are bueno. this week sunday is halloween, though, so i'll have to find a costume, try to have some kind of fun, and probably also work, as our holiday hours are starting. and i've already agreed to work saturday afternoon from right after german school until closing, and i'm going in tomorrow morning early and then again before my mac interview in north haven, followed by skating. and then monday i normally enjoy as a blissful rest day with only physical anthropology, but this week i'm supposed to get up absurdly early, drive to hampshire, interview, and be home in time for class. then tuesday i'm getting up early to skate an extra session before discrete, then hobv. working and all that, then wednesday class, work, and skating, then thursday...ooh. maybe i can manage not to have to work thursday afternoon and i'd be able to chill (and by chill i mean do all my back homework in discrete from having lost my book, and do my anthro reading and try to salvage some kind of pride for the sat twos i'm taking that saturday *cries*) from four until bedtime. hmmm. otherwise it'll be a typical friday followed by an sat-IIing and gs-meeting filled saturday, then sunday with only a brief gs parenty meeting and then (i think?) leaving with mom to get up to middlebury to stay overnight and then interview monday morning and be home again for anthro., then tuesday, wednesday, and thursday, when i'm testing pre-juve moves and pre-pre freestyle, hopefully managing to get to class, and working, typical friday, typical saturday, and then rest beginning either sunday or monday. yeah, i forgot about that middlebury interview. i guess that, if i don't manage to have some time off next thursday, i won't be resting until TWO weeks from sunday.
anyway enough whining i've made myself late (bad maggie!) must go eat a hurried breakfast-burrito-for-dinner and then teach my fifth graders how to knit.
6:12 PM
Dienstag, Oktober 26, 2004
so my newest thing is that i don't want to go to college. i just don't think it's a good idea, and I don't think we're realizing what a not-good idea it is. I know ultimately it will probably work out and we'll be happy wherever we are and stuff, but what I don't think i'd realized is how LONG that will take. mom was saying that from her observing the boys and their groups of friends, it takes until sometime during the second year for people to become less dependent on home and home friends and to get really close to their college people, and i'm freaking out at the prospect of being lonely for a whole fucking year. i just. grrr. it's not acceptable. why can't we live in a place where everyone goes to the local state university and is happy? not that i'm looking to get out of westport. that's the problem--i LOVE westport, or at least what i have going here. what am i going to do if:
I have no one to hug?
I have someone to hug but it's that crappy light/polite kind of hugging that's basically equivalent to a handshake?
I have a roommate with whom I'm not close and with whom I have to live a depressingly parallel, polite, friendship-less life?
I don't immediately find people who are interested in the things I'm interested in and, because of that, get sidetracked into giving up time pursuing stuff I really don't want to give up in order to spend my time in more...socially fruitful?...ways?
I somehow allow myself to end up in yet another academic situation that isn't challenging or stimulating, and i spend four years wondering if i actually had some kind of intelligence before my idiotic qualities squashed it out of me?
and there are probably other horrifying and difficult-to-describe situations that have occurred to me and will occur to me again
basically i don't like the idea of not having close friends around me. It seems like it takes a very long time of shared expoerience to make a really strong friendship.
cty sped up the friend-making process in several ways--why?
I guess we spent excessive amounts of time in our hall/class groups, which helped. and the culture of cty encourages people to throw their interests and their more charming idiosyncrasies out in the most publicly visible ways. We were extremely tolerant (by high school standards, at least) of social ineptitude.
i don't know. i wrote this yesterday and abandoned it. still unsure abou the whole college deal, but too busy to think.
ciao!
9:00 PM
Donnerstag, Oktober 21, 2004
i did manage to get to fciacs today, though not in time for the varsity race. i cried a lot, some while i was there and some in the car on the way home. i felt like thinking/talking about it before but now i just feel like knitting.
6:27 PM
one last note--this lovely little blog is now a little more than two years old. I read the archives of the oktober when i first started writing here; some stuff was the same and other stuff was different.
1:37 AM
also i had really intended to go to fciacs and states but apparently fciacs is tomorrow and i'm supposed to work and i feel awful and owful. maybe it'll be easier for me not to have to watch them when i can't be of them, though...but i feel like i'm abandoning the girls. probably because i'm abandoning and have abandoned the girls. staples girls xc 2004 i'm sorry i'm not stronger and more on top of life, girls. best of luck to my lady wrecker harriers and i love you all, even the freshwomen whom I don't know, and for anyone who'd actually read this and for whom it would still help, imagine i'm running beside/behind/in front of you, or even that you're stapled to my back (though i think it was only aurelia who ever wanted to do that tee hee). damn, waveny is an awesome course. and damn, i've had good races there three out of four (or was it four of five?) times i've run, and...when we ran states in 02 we ran for the seniors who couldn't...i should call someone and ask her to ask someone to run for me...or something.
1:20 AM
i really didn't expect it to happen like this. and i'm sad. crying a little. yankee fans get used to winning, and i'm used to the red sox self destructing, and...it just kind of feels like what i took for a constant in my life is being messed with. also, i'm sad. brian wanted to watch them be all celebration-filled on the tv but i didn't. daddy had to go to bed before the game was over, and, like last night, i said i'd wake him if they'd won...now he'll just have to realize the bad news on waking in the morning. i thought my yankees could do it, but they didn't, and now it's done and i plan to spend several days ignoring the existence of baseball. daddy would/will say, "oh, don't worry. it's only a game, not a track meet or anything important.
meh. it doesn't feel right, and i continue to be sad.
1:06 AM
Dienstag, Oktober 19, 2004
i like applesauce a lot. remember a couple of years ago when i ate applesauce all the time (and that one time it looked like i was spooning it into my lap/pants/something)? i shall try to acheive such a life again.
also i wish i had dropped out of discrete when i realized it wasn't the right class for me. shows me what happens when i let daddy (inadvertantly?) guilt me into doing things.
8:24 PM
Sonntag, Oktober 17, 2004
L: What's your name?
M: I'm Maggie.
L: I'm Lauren. How old are you.
M: Seventeen.
L: Wow.
M: How old are you?
L: Nine. My sister's seventeen. Are you married?
M: No.
L: Most people that old are married.
M: Oh, really? Is your sister married?
L: No, but she has a boyfriend.
M: Oh. I think seventeen is a little young to be married.
L: My sister has a friend who's married. She's eighteen though.
M: Well there you go.
10:25 AM
Samstag, Oktober 09, 2004
'sbeen a bad week for maggie's self esteem, due to excessive numbers of dumb actions/decisions/mistakes/oversights having consequences of varying severity (for the sake of not being confused in the future, this has been the week of the speeding ticket, bunches of crap at work, and the sat). the most recent dumbness is still at the making-me-nauseous stage *frown* *frown*. it was especially uncool because I (obviously) couldn't cry right then, and i wasn't even allowed to drink water and i had no making-myself-feel-better route available and it was unfun.
i made a lot of money this week, though...and bought yarn and a pattern for the renaissance poncho which will be a challenge and which i've been thinking about making for a while. also, my employee discount is sweet.
and if my scores don't get cancelled (which they will), i probably did well on the test. meh.
1:17 PM
Mittwoch, Oktober 06, 2004
uuuuummmmmmmm apparently mom had her meeting with the pupil services home school coordinator lady today (which i really hadn't much wanted her to go to, as it wasn't exactly legally required) and the lady was all praising me and saying how she liked to see a young person take control of her education and whatnot (i was kind of eye-roll-y as mommy was telling me this) and that she was going to recommend me for a Staples diploma.
?????????????????????????????
ummmmmmmmm
i have no idea how to react to this. maybe i'll avoid thinking about it until i hear the definite end result. i am struck dumb. man. life is too fucking weird.
7:38 PM
Sonntag, Oktober 03, 2004
I'm muchly glad to have senior shirted, and motorcaded, and tied curly ribbons in my hair, and done the whole "sen-ior gi-irls *clap* *clap* *clapclapclap* thing. I'm also glad we decorated Erin's Mom's car how we did, and that we wore the feather boas and the sparkly hat, and basically everything. 'Twas something I'd always seen older people do and expected to do one day myself, and we did it and enjoyed it and this particularly odd moment in our lives won't come again, and that's cool too. I doubt I'll have another chance to sit up on the top of a convertible while I'm still stupid enough to do it (we were very careful). I thought it was minorly sad how we got lost from people/the whole thing got broken up after we were pulled over, but I'd really kind of had my fun enough that I didn't mind, and getting scolded by a police officer did kind of complete the experience. Also the game was fun enough, and the barbeque made up for its boringness because they played bohemian rhapsody and Lucy and I and various other people were singing it overdramatically and it was yayful. I was...disappointed? that Brooke wasn't homecoming queen, if only because she would've felt more like the queen of the day than I think Kate did...also I really thought Brooke would win and I love her and everyone loves her. Hanging out with Allison, Allison, and Erin was fun...going to Peter's house was weird but still fun until I got insanely tired and Erin and Al had to drive home. And both sleepovers were good. I hadn't seen Al P in ridiculous amounts of time, or Al B in a much shorter but still too long while. Talked a lot about college, boys (and the lack of boys), and our friends. ahh, consistency.
Basically I've spent the last day-ish feeling like a near-(stereo?)typical high school student, and it was interesting. Not something I'd want to do/feel every day, but worth trying out. And finding new and interesting ways to dress up in blue and white has always been fun.
Everyone laughed at my shirt. Maura Mullaly screamed, "she doesn't even go to our school!" to someone in her car as we were all leaving the beach, and I assume she was referring to me though I suppose it's conceivable that she wasn't. I think that was worth noting.
I've been saying, "conceivable" and "conceive" way too often recently.
And now I go to visit the Cassie and then the Brown University. I am never going to do homework this weekend and I will probably die because of it.
11:41 AM
Freitag, Oktober 01, 2004
i need to stop freaking out so damn much. i hate how emotions can be completely thrown in any direction by the randomest little things. meep i suppose life is worth it though...and i like it when randomest things send me to happy land.
but, damn, i hate myself right now.
9:13 PM
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